Recently, I have been the frequent, unwilling viewer of an interesting advertisement.
In short, the advertisement begins by presenting the modern catastrophe of a family ordering dinner delivered to their home and discovering, to their horror, that each member of the family wants a different type of cuisine. To the rescue is the delivery app touted by the ad. It can save these poor people from the need to compromise, find consensus, or suffer the heavy burden of having to accommodate the wishes of a parent, sibling or child in any way. Instead, the app allows everyone to order favorite foods from favorite restaurants from the convenience of a single order. Presumably, the food all arrives together, no one has to share, and gastronomical peace reigns in the household.
What struck me at first was how different this scene was from the family dinners of my own childhood!
Yet, on further reflection, I found the ad to be a sad commentary on community life. That community may be the family, as depicted in the ad, or a parish, a neighborhood, a marriage, a group of friends, or a collection of colleagues, to name but a few of the communities in which we may find ourselves.
I doubt that any profound social commentary was intended in the advertisement. Nevertheless, it suggests that having to compromise, consider the wishes of others, or sacrifice anything to serve the interests of others is somehow a nuisance to be avoided. It suggests that it is possible for everyone to have his or her way, and that the simple pleasure of a shared common meal is not worth the effort and sacrifice.
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A family, or a group of friends will not fall apart if pizza, Buffalo wings, fast food burgers and burritos are all delivered to the shared table and all dine together, yet individually. But does this reflect the attitude that it is a good thing to be ever able to have what we want without understanding that there is a simple beauty in putting our own wishes aside out of love for others?
A family needs those who will do household tasks they do not enjoy, out of respect for others living under the same roof. A marriage needs partners who will sacrifice their own wishes for the good of the couple. A group of friends thrives when its members do not insist on getting their own way when making plans or sharing burdens. A parish lives at its best when its members understand that music style, Mass schedules, Christmas decorations and renovation projects cannot be tailored to the individual wishes of all, but reflect decisions made for the community as a whole.
We are not meant to live alone – nor to live with others in ways that do not require the grace of sacrifice.
As the holy seasons of Advent and Christmas beckon, many of us will have frequent opportunities to gather with the communities that we hold dear, and to share special times together with them. These are the times that will be sweeter if we assume that they will also be filled with opportunities to serve each other, put the needs of loved ones before our own, and seek ways to bring joy to others.
Certainly, there are some healthy boundaries that can be necessary when anyone’s good natured generosity is exploited.
But the holy days to come are replete with examples of those who knew that in giving to others they received. In the example of the Holy Family, at the heart of the season, there is a model of those who lived their small community in that great love that we seek to know and to show.
We may also have more mundane opportunities to order food together, select a Christmas movie to watch, decide how to decorate our homes, and plan the Christmas traditions we will celebrate, and with whom we will celebrate. In these seemingly insignificant things, we will also have the opportunity to live out the love that can fill all of the communities of our ordinary times.
Lucia A. Silecchia is Professor of Law and Associate Dean for Faculty Research at the Catholic University of America’s Columbus School of Law. “On Ordinary Times” is a biweekly column reflecting on the ways to find the sacred in the simple. Email her at silecchia@cua.edu.
