By Ursuline Sister Eileen Connelly
The Christmas season isn’t merry and bright for everyone. Amid twinkling lights, joyful holiday carols, and festive gatherings, some people are mourning or suffering from illness, addiction, estrangement, poverty, homesickness, or loneliness, making it difficult to find holiday cheer.
The Franciscan friars and faith community at St. Mary’s Parish in Pompton Lakes endeavor to provide people who are hurting with a place of welcome during the holiday season. Their annual Blue Christmas Mass seeks to bring God’s comfort and the community’s prayers to those hurting during the holidays.
Mass is often held on Dec. 21, the year’s longest night. This year, the parish held the Mass on Dec. 19.
Megan and Michael Ingraffia have experienced God’s love and comfort at the Blue Christmas Mass. In December 2022, the couple’s newborn daughter, Avery Rose, died.
“We were beyond broken,” Megan recalled. “Our faith was tested.”
Her father, Walter Smith, sought consolation at St. Mary’s and learned about the Mass from Father John Aherne, the parish’s pastor and a Franciscan Friar of the Province of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Soon, the priest had the faith community praying for them. At the Mass, just days after losing their precious baby girl, Megan and Mike found comfort amid their grief.
“It gave us hope. We just knew God would get us through things,” Mike said. “And our faith was ignited as a result.”
Mike and Megan went through the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults process the following spring and were confirmed. They are now St. Mary’s parishioners. They participated in the Blue Christmas Mass last year and were attended on Dec. 19, this time with their 5-month-old son, Luca Gabriel.
While their healthy baby boy brings them joy, Megan acknowledged that the holidays are a challenge as they remember the pain of losing Avery. She emphasized that their faith, the Blue Christmas Mass, the compassion of the St. Mary’s friars, and the faith community’s support have brought them healing and hope. Megan encouraged people to participate in such a Mass and its rituals.
“Just be open to God’s presence and let him in to help you. When you lose someone, it just rocks your whole world. We don’t know how we would have gotten through this without God,” Megan said.
After the Mass, the program is self-guided. Partici-pants have a program with prayers, including A Litany of Loss and Scripture readings for personal prayer and reflection. They can also participate in various consoling and reassuring rituals at their own pace. They include lighting a candle to remember a loved one or offering one’s wounds to God and a “letting go” ritual that involves writing one’s intention on a piece of paper, bringing it to a bowl of water, letting go, and giving it to God.
The experience of the Mass, rituals, and prayers is “warm, gentle, and cozy,” said parishioner Dorothy Coyne, who helped bring the Blue Christmas Mass to St. Mary’s in 2022 after being inspired by similar services offered at other churches. “It’s a chance to bring your experiences and emotions to God’s house with God present.
“I think of the Holy Family: Mary and Joseph and the struggle on their journey to Bethlehem, the anxiety, the uncertainty — then waiting for the baby to come,” she said. “The whole world was and is waiting for Jesus to come, and our struggles today are similar to Mary and Joseph. We all have burdens that we’re carrying and need to experience the coming of the Lord.”
Coyne said she had attended services for years at other churches but could never find a place close to where she lived. She is a massage therapist who specializes in working with oncology patients.
“I have seen my patients and their family members struggle and wanted to find ideas to help them, along with also grieving the losses of my parents and husband,” Coyne said. “During the joyous holiday season, people can feel sad, angry, bitter, overwhelmed, and exhausted, and have heavy hearts. The Blue Christmas Mass is about offering people hope.”
Father Aherne supported Coyne’s idea of bringing the Blue Mass to St. Mary’s.
“I was very moved by Dorothy’s experience and recognition that people need an opportunity to grieve. We friars tend to be among the people, finding ways to reach out to those on the margins, including those who are hurting,” Father Aherne said. “The Christmas season isn’t always happy, jolly, and bright,” Father Aherne continued. “It can be a time of real pain for people. I jumped at the chance to bring the Blue Christmas Mass to St. Mary’s to address the need for comfort and healing.”
Several St. Mary ministries that offer comfort to people who are hurting and grieving throughout the year support the Blue Christmas Mass. They include:
• St. Mary’s Prayer Shawl Ministry, which provides prayer squares as a reminder of being enveloped in the love of and warmth of God, a lost loved one, and the entire faith community,
• Stephen Ministry, which offers free, Christ-centered care to people experiencing life difficulties,
• Lost Angels Ministry, which provides help to those who have lost a child or loved one to substance abuse and addiction or an overdose and
• More Than Ever Ministry, a support group for those estranged from their children or grandchildren.
For more information about the Blue Christmas Mass, visit St. Mary’s website.
